The new season is upon us…

Last week Friday, men across the country rejoiced as their wives collectively sighed as the 2018/19 football season kicked off.

I, on the other hand, realised I was in for another ten months of listening to dead pundits talk shit about the sport I revere. Graeme Souness and his agenda against Paul Pogba. The newspaper agenda against Raheem Sterling. The way Mauricio Pochettino is praised for things Arsene Wenger was vilified for.  I did not know it was possible to have done something professionally and have no idea about how it works. When you listen to some of these men speak you’d wonder if they’d ever seen an under 10s football match let alone having been a former professional who played at the highest level.

The British bias is also quite sickening. I mean, I’m all for the promotion of homegrown talent, and believe there should be a quota in match day squads to allow homegrown talent a chance to flourish. That being said, the way some of these pundits place players on a pedestal due to them being British is hilarious. Wayne Rooney was finished for years, yet they persisted in calling him a top player up until his move to the MLS. The most egregious of all of these biases was the English arrogance of calling the Premier League the best league in the world. That was actually a laughable claim until the 2017/18 season gave it some credence. The Premier League was indeed the finest and most competitive league in the world for a time. From 05-12 there was an English team in the final of Champions League every year barring 2010’s spectacle. This spurned winners in Liverpool, Manchester United and Chelsea, in 2005, 2008 and 2012 respectively. It also featured the first all-English final in the illustrious history of the European Cup, that being the 08 edition.

Since then there has been a dip in the fortunes of Premier League sides in Europe. Both Chelsea and Manchester United have won the Europa League in recent years, but both clubs were disappointed to even find themselves in that competition in the first place. Real Madrid have won 4 of the last 5 European Cups. Barcelona claimed the other. This would suggest La Liga is indeed a stronger league than the Premier League. Most British people would dismiss this, and tell you Real and Barca are anomalies, super teams playing in a farmers league. To say such a thing is to ignore that Atletico Madrid featured in 2 of the past 5 European Cup finals and won the 2018 Europa League. Prior to this Sevilla won 3 Europa League titles in a row. This underlines the dominance of La Liga in recent years and it is only the performance of Liverpool in last season’s Champions League and the amount of Premier League talent in show in the World Cup latter stages that reopen the argument regarding the strongest league.

Therefore I will be starting a sports blog and related YouTube channel. This is an idea I’ve had for many years but have been too lazy to go ahead with. Then this season kicked off and I watched the footballing world react to Arsenal’s 0-2 loss against Manchester City. It both disappointed and inspired me. I was disappointed to hear such foolish and uneducated opinions from such experienced football men. Yet it inspired me to prove I could do better. That I can analyse and break down a football match in a more coherent, unbiased fashion without resorting to tired clichés or speaking in a circle of repetition.

Shout outs to all those YouTube channels that inspired me to go ahead with this passion of mine such as Tifo Football, HITC Sevens, Statman Dave and of course AFTV. I may not always agree with the opinions they put forward just like they may not agree with those I will put forward. I just respect the nuanced and intellectual approaches to football displayed on these channels and the pure unadulterated passion of AFTV.

At earliest, I will be going live this weekend, at latest by match day 3. But this WILL be happening people. This isn’t a drill, Epic Mase RCG will become an actual entity upon YouTube. Red Cloud Gawd presents Red Cloud Reviews.

DISCLAIMER: Here is a short list of the pundits working in Britain I respect: Liam Rosenior, Stan Collymore, Gary Neville, Martin Keown, Jermaine Jenas, Craig Bellamy, Kelly Cates, Alex Scott, Eni Aluko, and before they all stepped into coaching Thierry Henry, Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard. I also like ITV’s anchor Mark Pougatch. I don’t necessarily agree with them, but I respect the majority of their opinions. Ian Wright deserves a mention for having come on leaps and bounds in his punditry work in recent years. I also watch Sky Sports Soccer Saturday religiously. Jeff Stelling, Kammy, Merse, Tiss and the others are hilarious in their live reactions. Truly, television at it’s finest.

I’m back…

Creativity is the bane of my existence. Writing does not come easy to me when life is proceeding relatively smoothly. I can write rap lyrics, but barring that, I have a complete block when it comes to poetry or any sort of prose. This has made the act of writing a novel somewhat of an impossible dream. Oh well.

What, oh what, could have caused me to return, I hear you ask. Well there is no sole defining factor as life is rarely that linear.

It’s a culmination of things. That and a solemn realisation.

Outwardly my life is fine at this point. Its been a year since I escaped from the lowest point I have ever reached and in that year I have progressed and thrived. Not enough though. That’s part of the problem. These lofty standards I hold for myself that I inherited from my parents. I mean to judge myself to a lower standard of success would be selling myself short right? Meh.

Inwardly, this past year has been an immense struggle. A process of healing and growth. A year of intense self scrutiny and development. I felt as though I was living wrong and sought to rectify this. I’m still not quite living right, but things have improved somewhat.

There is only one area in which nothing has truly changed…. The ongoing tug of war over my sanity and mental health. On one side you have love, honesty and empathy, and on the other you have anxiety, depression and a vindictive streak a mile long.

Do you know what it’s like to be both vindictive and empathetic? To intentionally harm someone through words or action, but then see their hurt and pain and feel it to the point that you take it on and it becomes your hurt and pain. That’s insane. It makes no sense, yet that is a regular occurrence for me. If you upset me or sense I am in a bad mood, stay away. Anyone can get it, just for asking if I’m okay. (I’m quite obviously not okay, otherwise you would have never had to ask me).

My mood can take hours to recalibrate, and it’s best to leave me to silently brood. I’ll usually isolate myself so don’t worry, I won’t sit there screwfacing like a petulant child.

All of this led me to the realisation that, ultimately this is my lot in life. I most likely will never have children nor a lasting relationship with a woman due to this behavioural trait. No, I’m not being dramatic. Practically every relationship I’ve had, has had a familiar ending. Now I’ve realised why. There’s only so much of this someone can take. As a man who is childless, i don’t wish to bring a child in this world without having a somewhat stable relationship with their mother. Knowing me, that may not last very long as my asshole tendencies would eventually push her away. In doing so, she may not wish to have me around the child, and that would cause my mind to truly flip and crash off the edge. Knowing all of this, you see why i believe having a child would be irresponsible. It’s fucked because I want a child with the fervour of a mid 40s lady whose biological clock is ticking down (was that sexist?).

Why? Legacy. I want to be a better father than my father. Not just say I could be if I was a parent. I want to tangibly prove it. I want to show the world black men can raise children, and do it in an exemplary fashion. But more so than anything, I want someone to love, who loves me. Someone who won’t give up on me, because I’ll never give up on them.

Ah fuck it. It’s all fantasy bollocks like Arsenal going a season unbeaten again under Wenger. It’s an extreme unlikelihood. One day I may be Il Padrinno. But in all likelihood, I’ll just be the Godfather and the “Cool Uncle” for life. And I’m cool with that. Life is pointless without reproducing, you may as well never even existed. And for a guy who has slipped out of more than his fair share of parties without even a glance back, this would be a fitting way to end my story. Was he ever even really alive? Or is he just a creation of someones imagination? 100 years from now, they’ll never truly know.

“I’m a fucking walking paradox, no I’m not” – Tyler, The Creator

I am Mason

Hello. I don’t particularly have anything to say to introduce this, it’s just a stream of consciousness flow. Words are the key to the prison in which my mind is trapped.

 

Who could understand the pain that permeates my brain
Darkness is ingrained thus they say I’m insane
My lifestyle has people calling me a savage
Pretty women giving up on me like I’m average
I act like I don’t care but it burns
Flames turned my heart to ashes which I keep inside an urn
I don’t write for attention or sympathy
I write to release, as my weakness sickens me
Self belief is what’s shown on the exterior
Self doubt resides deep in my interior
Given up on love and meaningful relationships
Left my dreams behind no more trying to make it big
Violent thoughts are crowding my cranium
Each one I rationalise, but there’s no explaining them
I’m just a typical male wrapped in black skin
I rhyme words, got a big dick and smoke fat spliffs
Not to mention most of my pals pack things
And deal illicit contraband to fiends on that mad strip
Am I a product of my history or environment?
It doesn’t matter which, both are much too violent
So I strive to find self motivation
As I spill my thoughts onto this page in contemplation
The dark path I walk on needs illumination
FUCK YOU if you’ve ever doubted or given up on Mason

“The question isn’t who am I, it’s where am I?” – Ghostface (Scream)

“I am simply not there” – Patrick Bateman (American Psycho)

“The stars are hidden on a rainy night” – Nagato (Naruto Shipuuden)

The life of the Black hero has never been for the meek of heart….

This was originally written on January 30th  2011…

“My heart is pure gold, but it is encased in an icy layer of stone. Everyday I feel a little more lonely, as my heart gets a little colder. The path ahead of me is a long, solitary road. I know where I am going, but I don’t know if this road is taking me there. I don’t want to walk this road alone, but I have no choice but to. Loneliness and my fate are intertwined.

I have no interest in the cares of this world. Material pleasures hold no weight for me. I found no answers in religion. I go to university and do my work merely as a formality now. I have no passion for my course. I have no job, and have acheived nothing of great significance in since 2009. My existence would seem to be pointless to an outside eye.

I was placed upon this planet to do things an ordinary human being would not be capable of. I am here to say things homo sapiens cannot comprehend. I am an individual unlike any you’ll ever encounter. Please don’t underestimate me. I am more powerful than you will ever imagine….

“Those who do not understand true pain can never understand true peace.” – Nagato”

It’s funny looking back at yourself, especially when you realise that nothing has truly changed. Some of the minutia has altered with the passing of time, but nothing is different. Fuck it. Nothing really matters anyway. Not when you are merely a speck of cosmic dust in the grand scheme of the universe. I’ve been bored of my existence for much too long…

“I’m depressed like I want to die, but there’s much more to life so I’m happy that death ain’t found me…” – Dot Rotten

It’s been a while…

It occurs to me that I have not written anything in a while. Please forgive me if you appreciate my work, as I have not meant to disappear, it has just been a consequence of life. Well, regaining a life. You know like when you get a 1-up in Super Mario? That’s what has happened to me recently. I have a new lease on life and thus have entered a new wave of positive energy. Also I’ve had all kinds of distractions in my life these past Sundays. Mothering Sunday, my birthday weekend, and yesterday which was the hottest day of the year thus far so I couldn’t spend it attached to my laptop. In short, I’m sorry for my absence. Can’t promise it won’t happen again, but I’ll try…

Here’s a quick poem for your reading pleasure…

Dreaming of the days when I’m living lavish
No more girls giving up on me like I’m average
Til then I’ll live life like a savage
If she gives me her heart I have no issue with her baggage
I look back at my past it’s wild
Fully grown man still living like a child
Think to my future and I smiled
I got too much sauce and the flavour isn’t mild
Success isn’t the goal it’s consequential
Throwing out my life that which is detrimental
The things I shall achieve will be monumental
My words are epic, on the page or instrumental

Meh, I know it’s weak, don’t moan at me. I’ve been expending much of my creative energy in writing a screenplay and a children’s book. Something had to give…

“It’s been a long time I shouldn’t have left you, without a strong rhyme to step to” – Rakim

Poetry on Sunday vol. VII

After narrowly avoiding being the victim of a vomiting baby, I emerge to give you your weekly literary crack! This week I haven’t written a single poem, but rather three haiku that could all read as one single poem. I hope you enjoy 🙂

When she smiles I smile
Thoughts of her make my heart sing
Forever my love

Mind body and soul
Most beauty I’ve encountered
Has me besotted

Our minds are in sync
Our hearts beating together
She is my soulmate

Thank for reading this week’s instalment, and please keep your eyes peeled as I will not only have more content for you in the forthcoming week, but I will also release some more of my musical catalogue via my Soundcloud. You can find the link for that right here http://www.soundcloud.com/epicmasercg

“Oh why must I feel this way? Hey! Must be the money!” – Nelly

Sympathy for the Devil

“Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste!”

The Devil, Satan, Lucifer, Shaytan or whatever you call him/it is universally known to be a bad guy. The kind of guy who pretend to be your best friend but then destroys your entire life. But you’ve got to wonder, has this guy just been given a bad rap all along? Is all the evil in the world really his fault? Does he really dedicate his every moment to destroying the souls of humankind? Or is he just the scapegoat of a cruel and vengeful God? Well, that’s the subject I’m going to be getting into here today.

DISCLAIMER: The following is merely a speculative piece in which I am, as the saying goes, playing Devil’s advocate. It does not necessarily represent my thoughts and feelings on the matter.

As the story goes, humankind lived in paradise alongside God until the Devil came along and tempted them to break God’s one rule and eat the forbidden fruit. Next thing you know, they were kicked to the curb and forced to live lives filled with pain and suffering. Whether or not this is your religious doctrine or just a fun story to you, you’ve got to admit that this God character is a rather harsh dude. One infraction and you’ll get kicked out of paradise forever! Something that results in a convoluted plan involving impregnating a human woman in order to have a child who dies in order for God to be able to forgive everyone and let them back into paradise upon death! But that’s a different issue for a different time.

So surely we’ve got to blame the Devil for getting humanity kicked out of paradise right? Well, no. I mean if God is all powerful, why would he even let this guy come and tempt the fragile humans? I mean where was God when this temptation was taking place? The dude is omniscient after all! How did he not just turn up, stomp that snake to the ground and tell Eve not to eat that apple? 

Fast forward from Adam and Eve and let’s take a quick look at my homeboy Job. See Job was a cool dude. He was truly the best kind of person. So one day God is bragging about how awesome Job is, so the Devil decides to bet God that he can get Job to turn against him. God, being the Supreme dick that he is, takes the wager. Thus, Job’s life is fucked. He loses his fortune, his wife, his kids and gets afflicted with a real fucked up disease. Yeah I know he rides it all out, keeps faith and is rewarded with double what he had before, but that shit didn’t need to happen! Just because God’s ego needed stroking. And this establishes that the Devil had to ask God for permission to fuck with Job! So technically, if the Devil has to ask permission each time he fucks with someone, that means that this all-powerful, all-loving God let you get fucked with!

So is the Devil really the villain here? Or his he just God’s excuse for shit that is really his own doing. After all, he created the Devil, he lets him tempt humankind, and let’s not forget this is the same God that lets children die of poverty, and various other bullshit diseases. I’m not bashing God here, I’m just being real. I mean if sin is a result of liaising with the Devil, then why doesn’t God get all Sodom and Gomorrah on that motherfucker? Or does he just like seeing his creations get fucked with? Makes no sense to me.

So in conclusion, I feel that the Devil gets somewhat of a harsh deal, I mean it’s his job to fuck with humanity.  How would you like it if you were doing your job to the best of your ability and all people did was give you shit for it? You’d feel rather pissed off right? You’d feel pretty under-appreciated. After all, without evil there cannot be good, so I guess it must be good to be evil sometimes!

Well that’s just my two cents (or two pennies) on the matter.  If you wish for more content written in prose, rather than poetry please feel free to let me know. I love all of you guys!!

“Better to reign in Hell, than to serve in Heaven.” – John Milton

Pain is Love

Here is my latest poetic offering. I borrowed the title from that of rapper Ja Rule’s best album before his career was decimated by 50 Cent. 😂 I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed watching Leicester City beat Sevilla this evening. I know, all I do is watch football and write poetry. Stop with the judging and just read the poem!

Love is pain
Physical and emotional
Shared love equals shared pain
You can feel it in your core
Her struggles break my heart
Frustation fills my brain
Lost in futility
Wishing I could help
All I can do is show my love
And hope that it helps
Expression is difficult
But yet I still try
I miss her every second
She makes life worth living
Nothing else matters
But the love shared by our spirits
She owns my mind, body and soul
Physical and emotional
Shared pain equals shared love
Pain is love

“There’s no love without pain” – Irving Stone

Poetry on Sunday vol. VI

I can’t lie, I’m probably more interested in watching Real Madrid than I am in writing this. Not because I dislike writing, but because this game is lit! 🔥

Here is my latest effort for your visual pleasure, I call it “Keep faith”…

Forget what you heard about me
I’m different
Passionate and aggressive
Quiet and introspective
Loyalty is the only trait I seek
Indifferent attitude is all I portray
No longer seek love I’ve given up
Nobody on the planet could understand my brain
But looking at her is like looking in a mirror
Her existence gives me renewed faith
I forgot what this felt like
To laugh and smile without a care
Her beauty is intoxicating
Her smile is hypnotic
Her mind is a treasure trove
Her thoughts are invaluable
Her love completes me
I finally feel whole
Her energy fills my void
I’m besotted with her soul

Thank you for your continued support. I wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t for you. Yes you, you reading this right now. Thank you, for all that you do in supporting me. I love you.

“If I had to live my life again, I’d find you sooner” – Kobi Yamada

 

*Unexpected & Untitled*

It occurred to me, that I don’t write much positive poems. I know this is the Dark Side, but it isn’t all gloom and doom in the existence of Epic Mase. Thus I have composed something, a bit more optimistic in tone.  Hope you enjoy 😀

Smile rarely, unless her will says otherwise
Each time we speak in my stomach there are butterflies
Energy and passion defy distance and time
Emotion is crazy, the way it sizzles your insides
Forget rhyme let me luxuriate without reason
Forget that the sight of her was to my eyes pleasing
The truth is that her spirit makes me feel so much power
She must be royalty, so my only thought’s to crown her
I cherish every moment and second we communicate
It’s more than words, her emotions getting through to Mase
It’s real to me now so I had to express
I don’t do this to impress, that’s something I must stress
This is just the honest thoughts and feelings of a lonely male
Who’s spent his life searching for love like it’s the Holy Grail
Beautiful girl on my mind while I contemplate
The moment when things manifest, but that’s not today

Yeah, I know. I got rather sentimental there. Don’t blame me. Blame my inspiration. 😂

If you wish for more content of a lighter tone, please let me know and I shall be sure to oblige!

“When love is not madness, it is not love.” – Pedro Calderon de la Barca